My Reinvention: Forced Surrender

My journey over the last decade has been a mosaic of breakdowns to breakthroughs, setbacks to leaps, expansions to collapses and often felt like I was scrambling through life, trying desperately to be loved and accepted.

It seemed like every path I chose, ended up being a dead end and after hitting so many brick walls and broken hearts I had almost convinced myself that I just "wasn't very good at life". Learning from and working with people like Jennifer, Lynette and Lilia, the panel speakers who featured on the Art of Reinvention, has helped me to find purpose in the journey and take responsibility for my life.

My most recent reinvention emerged from a 2 year period of profound loss.

Beginning with the shutdown of my first traditional business, a coworking venture in The Hague. FloLab got off to a promising start when we opened the year before COVID but when the pandemic arrived I was faced with a binding three-year lease, significant personal financial investment, forced closures and no financial support from the government.

I persevered through the ensuing tumultuous two-years that followed, driven by a unwavering and naïve belief in the concept and my ability to turn things around but blind to the fact that I was burnt out physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Upon reflection, I recognize my ego's influence; I was deeply invested in my startup founder identity, nurturing entrepreneurs and freelancers. Deciding to cut my losses brought immense relief as well as painful grief. FloLab had been my baby, I put everything I had into it, and it wasn't enough.

Facing up to this was painful and I certainly grieved the loss of the innocent positive person I was when I set it up and the person I had convinced myself I could be to make it a financial success.

After a couple of months off, a new freelance opportunity came along. A very lucrative and challenging role on a Digital Transformation Project. I had been out of the corporate world for 6 years but convinced myself I had the skills, and was a quick enough learner to deliver value.

The allure of financial gain enticed me, hardly surprising after incurring so many losses from the FloLab business but I wasn't listening to the feelings that were going off inside of me.

During the interview, I sensed it wasn't right for me—alarm bells rang throughout my being, but I dismissed them, fixated on the potential earnings.

The job was a nightmare from the start, within weeks I felt overwhelmed and confused, my confidence deteriorating and familiar feelings of burnout creeping back in. Rationalizations like debt repayment and stability temporarily calmed me. Then, unexpectedly, my mother suffered a cardiac arrest and fell into a coma.

Clarity struck; no job justified such stress.

I made it back to Scotland in time to say goodbye before she passed. Grieving, I returned to work, only to be let go, deemed ineffective in my sorrow.

I call this "Forced Surrender"—life's harshest trials that leave us no choice but to confront our pain.

Eventually, anger and resentment fade; sleep improves, nutrition betters, and physical activity resumes. A new reflection emerges, one poised to live authentically, trusting life's flow.

This Forced Surrender, familiar yet distinct, redirected me towards coaching—a path I'd always aspired to, rather than fodder for my ego's self-criticism.

Now I am helping others to repair the connection between body and mind so they can feel calm, centered and confident to create the life they really want to be living.

And if you’re reading this, then I’m here to share my experiences with you too.

With love and gratitude,

Emma xx

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